Okay, so I have been crying my eyes out for the past 12 hours. Why? My baby is going to a new babysitter today, since Daddy has to return to his teaching position, and Jonathan will be starting Kindergarten in three weeks. One of those alone is enough to send me into a frenzy! As if Jonathan going off into the world without me all day wasn't enough, but now someone other than me will be cuddling my little five-month-old. The ongoing battle of being a working mom! The guilt, the longing, the need to help pay the bills!
Both of them will be spending time with a young stay-at-home mom whom I have been slowly been able to get to know. We made the switch from the daycare ministry Jonathan was attending because he is going off to the big "K" and I would rather have little "T" in more of a home setting. You know, besides the fact that I was able to pick the kids up one day when Jonathan was playing on the playground with no teacher outside and drove off, no one the wiser. That's another story for another day! Let's get back to me being a mess!
Let's face it, I do not do change well. When it involves my kids, it is even worse! I love working-at least the line of work I do. And we really wouldn't be able to pay all the bills if I were not working, but the GUILT sometimes just kills me! And the debate of whether or not I am making the right decision plays over in my mind like an old record. I have been secretly glad that Jonathan is spending the first few weeks with the new babysitter, because he is old enough to grill when I get home. "What did you do today?" "What did you eat for breakfast?" "Did the babysitter commit any crimes while Mommy was at work?" you know, the usual.
Speaking of which, I should really call in to see how the "drop off" went. Be prepared for a bigger mess in three weeks...in the mean time, I need to do some stalking...